Nearly 4 months since my last post and so much has happened since. You know M that I met online? Well, online became real life when he finally flew into Singapore for a visit. A 3-week window had opened up at work and he quickly got himself booked on a flight to me at the end of June. He was going to be in town for 19 days! Only that was the weekend of my cousin's wedding and I was in Kuala Lumpur. So much for my romantic idea of meeting him at the airport! Instead we met on Monday evening, after I got back into town, the afternoon after he arrived in the early morning.
I rushed through the house like a whirlwind to shower and change clothes at least twice before grabbing a taxi to meet him at his hotel. I texted him to say I was on my way as I tried calm the butterflies in my stomach and breathe. Finally! After 8 months of emails, phone calls and IMs, M was really here. In Singapore. To see me. Be still my heart!
The taxi wasn't going fast enough but it gave me some time to think, to wonder. So much has changed since that promise I made to myself on my birthday last year. To seize life and love with both hands. And now, here was the result.
At the hotel, after they paged M in his room, I waited for the 'ding' of the elevator. Two false alarms. Where was he, thought impatient me. By now my heart was hammering wildly and the butterflies were threatening to escape. I was seriously considering making a dash for it but my feet were rooted, my heart thumping too erratically to even consider moving! This was the most reckless thing I've ever done! All kinds of stupid "what ifs" were running through my head. What if there was zero chemistry between us? What if he looked at me and went "ewwww"? What if he wasn't what he said he was? I was recalling those horror stories I read of online affairs that went horribly wrong. Of other's experiences that failed. For the longest time, I refused to even entertain the thought of "what if we fall in love", just in case... Yup, the Virgo in me was alive and in her element.
'Ding!'
And M rounded the corner. The minute our eyes met, my mind calmed, my racing heart slowed and I smiled. I fell...instantly. Eyes locked, he moved closer to gather me into his arms for a hug. Then he gently cupped my face and we kissed. Softly, gently, intently. Time paused, the world swirled around us. It wasn't the kiss of strangers rather that of two lovers reuniting after months apart. We stood close, arms around the other, our foreheads touching, eyes closed, savouring the moment of our first "hello".
When we looked up into each other's eyes, I was lost. His eyes held me just as his hands and arms did. I felt loved, cherished, safe. He really was the man of the emails and phone calls. M was real.
Conversation after that simply flowed. We had been talking incessantly for 8 months for goodness sake! We went back to his room to leave the box of cookies I brought for him. He kept my hand in his, glancing at me and smiling, guiding me through open doors. Before leaving his room, he pulled me in for another kiss, longer, lingering, deep. My heart was in my throat, a smile on my lips. I could have stood there all night kissing him. He was smiling as he parted, a twinkle in his eyes as if he could read my mind and my desires. We left, holding my hand in his, and went out for dinner.
I picked the East Coast Lagoon for his first official foray into Singapore (although the night he arrived, he bravely ventured into Geylang and its red light district). M pulled me in close to him in the cab, arm around my shoulder, hand on mine. This has since become our favourite way of sitting as we travelled around Singapore, by cab, my MRT and also in Thailand when we were on holiday. I sensed a little reserve in him, as I was also feeling the same - holding back a little, as bit by bit we slowly surrendered to the feelings that were building inside us. But sparks there were... and silly grins, and thumping hearts. He kept kissing me and I kept losing my train of thought. And we were laughing, giggling at how easy this was all flowing together, at how comfortable we were feeling in each other's company.
Later at dinner, after thoroughly scouting the place, we got a table near the beach, sat side by side to savour the few dishes he ventured to try. And talked and talked and talked and kissed some more. I love how he's not hesitant to let his feelings show. His firm yet gentle touches, his smiles as he looked at me followed by a sigh reflected my own. I love how he made me feel even as I tentatively reached out to touch, caress, hold and kiss him. I love the strength I felt under my hands, and the gentleness too. And I love that he wants me close, even as we were eating, his leg pressed up to mine, keeping me near.
After dinner we walked from the Lagoon to the East Coast Village, holding hands, chatting the whole way, pausing for a kiss here and there. It is so easy to be with him. We simply fit. Only I didn't realise then how much of a fit. The man I had fallen in love with online was here, within reach, and I was bubbling over with joy. The nerves were long gone. I was with my love, God was in his heaven and all was right with the world. Not wanting to do anything else that would distract us from each other, we caught a cab back to his hotel.
What followed was a gentle exploration of each other with much of our clothes on. Kissing is fast becoming a favourite past-time. We both held back that first night, content to just be with the other, being close. I stayed till 2am before my alarm went, reminding me of work the next day. I so wanted to stay and I know he did too but I felt that it was better to not go that far on our 'first date'.
M walked me out to catch a cab. A hug and kiss goodnight, a promise to stay with him the next night and I was on my way...feeling as if I had left my heart behind as we sped off.
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